I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
