Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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