he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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