An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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