Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
