i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
