Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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