I hate your face
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize