Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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