Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Come on in and take your pants off
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