Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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