My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Randomize
