If that was your dad, he is hot
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
