508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
