so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
