I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
