yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
