I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
