i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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