I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
