I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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