oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
