I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
