everyone is single if you try hard enough
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
