Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
