I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
