Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
