There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So much rum. So many feels.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
