Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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