I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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