i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
