The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
