all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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