I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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