Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
