sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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