Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
