in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
