i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
