what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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