I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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