It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
