Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
