yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
