I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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