Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
