I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
