Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
