my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
