I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
