Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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