she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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