At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
