No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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