Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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