i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
