i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
