Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
