I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
