i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
