Your mouth is God's brothel.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize