she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
