you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
