I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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