what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
