dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
