well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
