if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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