there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
