you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
