I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
