she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just had sex bonerless
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize