I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
