I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
