I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
