I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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