My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
