can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
