My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need to align my fucking chakras
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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