So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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