So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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