I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
