is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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