heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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