I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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