Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
