This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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