I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
