Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Screwed.edu
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Operation Purity has been aborted
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
