someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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