Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
