Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize