I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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