I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
