he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
