My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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