Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
