Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
