I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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